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A simple life: Can you wondering in silence?

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By Silvano Hajid


I just want to have my morning coffee, sit quietly on my balcony, hear city noises, prepare my work at home, think about what for lunch, should I order gofood, or I cook by myself? I set my playlist on YouTube music for morning tune, prepare breakfast and ready for work. Quite simple and easy.


Trying use the best of my working hour with some dips and pull ups, finished my work on time and having me-time to do nothing. 


But somehow society thinks it is not common. 


I’ve tried new things, having live version of my favorite movies, living like in the movie, but some people said, they were there, It’s what they did like 10 years a go, means, I’m late for 10 years. Well, I don’t have privilege like they have when I was younger. 


Wait, I burn incense to boost my mood, giving good ambience for my room so I can be more productive. 


Some asked me at my relative’s wedding “When will you propose someone, you’re old enough.”


then I answered, “I don’t need that, living together (kumpul kebo) is a best deal for me.” And they’re wishpered, you know, they said I don’t belong to heaven. 


Some people asked me, are you straight or gay? I answered, “yes, of course.” Whether I am straight or gay it doesn’t event matter as long as I can have love for myself. I used to be a people pleasing person, and it’s killing me. 


I think it’s too private to ask, unless he/she have something in me. But never mind. I keep them questioning and maybe took distance. I don’t care. 


Why you’re so thin? Oh you gain some weight? Why you don’t cut your hair? Believe me, I was that kind of person. And some people asked me that thing as well, can you WONDERING IN SILENCE? As I can quote Adam for Adam (younger version). 


Since I work as journalist, my personality has changed. I was introvert but my job asked me to be more bubly. People pleased, but scream inside.


Yes, how many screams I have inside my mind when I met a lot of people I don’t want/need to meet? MILLION. 


I hid my emotion with smile. It’s always works in every situation. But I scream inside. I just don’t want other problem follows when I speak up. 


Somehow their value is not quite fit enough with my point of view. Some people walks in a straight line, some running in a circle, someone have a bumpy road, the other one should climb, it doesn’t matter as long as they’re happy to stay in their way not crossing my path. Haha.


Some people is a straight talker, but parents didn’t raised me as a person who can sing in a right pitch. Always come with proposal, calculation how people will react. But boom some how I can’t control it as I write in other post. 


And what I want to do is just a simple life when the scream inside my mind dissapeared. 


We, human having short life span, why you waste the rest of your life to judge people so you can feel much better than other. I think it’s not how competition works. 

I don’t compete, I just feel enough for what I have right now. That’s the answer for those who are asking me how much I earn in a month. 

The fact, our society is demanding in a peculiar way. I don’t want to be part of it.

Every night, I created my own fiction in my head so I can sleep. Is it weird? I don’t think so. I create my own universe, this magnificent brain can do pretty much better than merge in society will. 









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